This f*ing sucks.

Bear with me, because this is going to be a long post.

This up-and-down is about to be the end of me.  I know I’m not pregnant, yet FP won’t show.  I’ve been spotting for 3 days, and thanks to the Clomid, my temps are still elevated.  The cramps are killing me – I’d trade my left ovary if FP would just get here.

I seriously need a mental health day.  A day where I do absolutely nothing, no work, no laundry, no dishes, no photoshop, nothing.  Just lay on the couch in my nightclothes and sleep all day.  I feel so drained right now – I’m kicking myself in the azz for being hopeful *again* this month, when I told myself from the start I wasn’t going to get excited about anything. 

I sometimes think that this just isn’t going to happen for us.  At all.  I guess that’s the hypochondriac in me coming out, but I’m just getting the feeling that we’re going to have to move to something assisted.  Everyone tells me that I just need to be patient, relax, take our time, it’s still early, etc.etc.etc…. but I just have this nagging thought that it would have happened by now.

It’s been 12 full months now since coming off of Nuvaring.  And 4 full cycles of charting/temping/OPK’s/etc. 

And to add insult to injury, the pregnancy tests I ordered from came in the mail today – 3 weeks after I ordered them.

End of pity party.


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