Now I’m just plain pissed.

After getting over the initial shock and all-day crying jag from yesterday, all I am today is pissed.  I have so many questions that I just can’t bring myself to ask.

1. “Why did you refuse to do what he did at the last possible minute?”  If it had been 2 weeks ago, or when it was first mentioned to you last cycle, I might have been able to take it a little easier.  But an hour before I’m due for the appointment? Give me a break.

2. “Do you just not want us to get pregnant?”  I mean, what other explanation is there for yesterday?  Is your poor little ego hurt? Do you feel like less of a man? Think about what I had to do last week – have a catheter jammed up through my cervix and had dye injected into my uterus and tubes.  Every month, I go through an internal ultrasound.  Every month, I take meds that will make me have night sweats and horrible hot flashes.  And what have you done so far? Nothing.

I am so tempted to just quit trying.  No more meds, no more dr’s visits, nothing.  Then when he wonders in six months why we aren’t pregnant, and really starts wanting to be, I can tell him he had his chance six months ago to find out why we aren’t.  Time’s a wastin’.

And what pisses me off the most is that I knew we still had the opportunity for sex last night – and still be within the window of when I triggered.  So it took everything in me to be nice to him all evening…….. only to get turned down last night, at 3am, and again before going to work. 

Sorry if I’m being bitchy today, but it’s just how I feel, and I can’t keep hiding it.


1 Comment

  1. April 17, 2008 at 4:23 pm

    I’m so sorry that your husband is still being difficult. I know how you feel, my husband doesn’t want to get an SA done on him either (and I’m doing the clomid and internal u/s too). I have felt like quitting so many times. Getting turned down sucks. I hope that he can sit down with you and explain, and that you will be able to get a game plan you can both agree with.

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